Been rotting for a few weeks le.....

Had been drinking for a while, still didn't know why I choose this ending. Will I ever walk out of this dark moment. I had always remind myself that to be confident is the most important citeria for my life to be successful, yet I can't pick myself up. It seems that she can live well without me. Will I need to still care for her? Or am I being busy body. Think she is able to find new guys arund her to shower her with care and concern. Yet she has time to go buy lunch to a guy hse. Do I mean nothing to her?