突然隐隐作痛

听着张智霖的突然好想你，很久的一首歌，读着以前的点点滴滴。 会有隐隐作痛的心痛。泪也需忍住。现在的痛只是提醒自己能做得更好。只想对自己和以后的那一个真实。倒数的三天。能不能做到要看六月六号了。。。

忽然好想你

爱好奇怪总在夜里澎湃
心一旦开思念满怀
爱好无奈言语说不明白
心安静不下来
忽然觉得我好想你
忽然渴望拥抱你
只可惜今夜在我怀里
只有思念和回忆
忽然觉得我好想你
忽然担心永远失去你
这忧郁写满在夜里

拆礼物的故事

读了我朋友写的文章提到爱情就像拆礼物，让我想起当年我把爱情比喻成撒旦的礼物。一旦拆开就万劫不复。。。

其实爱情可以很奇妙，幸福可以很简单，坦诚和信任是种选择。我们选择如何面对感情。其实当你接受到一份礼物，喜不喜欢在于是谁送的。就算一个你讨厌的人送的名贵礼物，你在拆的当儿不一定会兴奋。

如果是心意的人送的，那份喜悦是比金钱还珍贵。。。可以用无价来形容。

其实爱情刚开始是甜蜜的，后来不一定是平淡和失去幸福，是看你如何选择让它更完美，更值得珍惜。

一年后，五年后，甚至十年后一起回想那美丽的点点滴滴。

自信与自知

男人嘛，最重要的就是有自信。
自信是做人的目标
自知就是做人的原则。

人最要紧是能分出好坏，
尤其是做我自己所做的事。

觉醒

很多人都说我该改变，积极点面对未来。。。

对我而言是时候觉醒了，人们常说不该一直回想过去，而该往未来前进。我觉得该做自己，为未来作好准备。三十岁是我新的起点。

工作要尽力，努力。 生活要开心对得起良心。 有些事情该保持距离，不该多问，问了可能会后悔。


还是一个人没那么多烦恼。。。

Soulmates

Have been watching comedies over the weekend which cheers me up a lot. Friends With Benefits, Just Go With It, My Best Friend's Wedding, Hitch and so on. Also realize there is different kind of people out there. How can you be sure that the person closest to you are good people. Maybe in life everyone thinks they are the lead actors in life but maybe there are just a passer by. Sometimes the right one is just around the corner.

In life we all should be open to choices. I know I enjoy taking care of people, being single the hardest part is not able to shower my care for the person I loved. Also I rather be with someone who I can share my happiness and sadness with. To me communication is the most important factor in my life. I can't contain my life alone.

That day we went to butter factory and I recall life when I were young. I guess this kind of life is not I wanted anymore. Peaceful life, staying home and not drinking that much. This should be the life style. The pretty only captures the eyes, is what is within that attract people to stay with u.

In the beginning of a relationship, the amazing feel of dating and exploring each other is always amazing and full of excitement. This feeling and skill has been lose. I tell myself if ever I were to start again. I will use my true heart and not skills to  experience this special and gifted feelings.

Hope chances will come soon. I promise to treat her with all that I can. Slowly progress and not pushing for anything.

隐藏的谎言

一直以来我觉得人类因为能自由选择，人生才有意义。未来有很多可能性，结果会如何要看我们的选择。一个微小的决定能影响最终的结局。想像如果每个人类一出生就决定自己的命运，我们还会努力，上进吗？ 可是也是应为有了选择的权利，我们常常会因为害怕结果不是自己想要的结局而不敢有行动。把事情藏在心里，时间久了就会后悔当初没那么做。

如果能坦然面对人生，不用想太多该多好。想做就做，勇敢面对一切未来的变数。这才是人生因该有的态度。。。

台灣啤酒

好久沒喝啤酒了，今天買了四罐。享受一下清涼和果味的清晰。一個人的時候後想的事情比較冷靜和穩當。不會衝動。真希望能慢慢的戒煙，生活健康點。

本來覺得沒能力給你什麼承諾或未來，可是現在明白原來我不需要承諾任何事情。除了真心對待妳，最終是看妳接不接受我的真心。就那麼簡單，不需要想的太複雜。 其實愛一個人可以很容易，是想法讓事情複雜化，而是溝通和行動把一切簡單化。

簡單、幸福、快樂、真實。

我看到一句話，小時候快樂是件簡單的事，長大了才發覺簡單是件快樂的事。這句話讓我想通了一些我正在思考的事。現在的我們為了物質上的享受而忽略了正真的快樂和幸福。我們把時間用在追求"生活" 但正真的活著應該簡單點。。。

比如說兩個相愛的人，為了不讓對方失望，選擇撒謊或不坦誠，會怎麼樣？

我們常說愛情應該坦誠，信任，專一。可是卻不經意的，說是為對方而違背了這三點。。。

突然間我想愛情，最多的是真還是假？ 是快樂還是悲傷？ 是愛而是恨？ 是暗戀痛苦還是單戀煎熬？ 是平靜的過日子幸福或天天吵架能加深感情？ 

我領悟了原來我不是還愛著她，我祇是不甘心，我怕找不到一個我能那麼愛的人。
其實只要對的人出現，既然而然我就會覺醒。現在就算碰到喜歡的人也不能給予她任何未來。我知道我能為她做的是不斷努力，簡單的遵守那三個原則。

孤單的確不容易過，但心裡有個目標會好一點。

現在矛盾的是該勇敢衝刺還是按兵不動。可能保持距離會比較理性。

Things to do......

Had heard a few sayings over the days and wanted to pen down my thoughts here. This few months has been a changed in me without myself detecting it. I have great friends who spend great times with. Without knowing I have not been thinking about my negativity that much. I admit I force myself to the dark side of feelings and emotions, as I lost faith in love. Or should I say lost faith and confidence in relationship. I seen a shadow of myself 9 months back from a friend's incident. I admit if I had not made those action, I could have savage my relationship with her. But life is about moving on and not repeating mistakes. I am sure she will find a better half, and I should find my half and treat her even better....

Men & women are actually very different, men can seems tough on the outer but gluey and weak inside, women seems gentle and soft spoken but when they have a decision inside, their determination can shocked the world.....

5 more days to the time of the year I fear to experience alone, yet I told myself it will still arrives no matter how fearful you are. At first I wanted to write how anxious and excited I felt 4 years back. But now memories are only for recalling & we smile about it. 

Things to do:
Constant exercise
Lesser drinking session
Quit smoking
Stabilize my career path
暗戀一個值得暗戀的人

心情的颜色

每天起床，天气和经历会影响人的心情。 每个人都有个埋藏深处的秘密。今天心情有点蓝和紫。想不通的事情，不能说出来分享的秘密。让我觉得我其实很悲观。常常劝别人但自己就不能那么洒脱。凡事都往坏处想，可能对我而言能控制自己而不想勉强别人吧。我总觉得自己能承受的痛苦就不要影响别人。。。

有人提到恋爱的感觉其实很幸福，很美妙。可能我太久没这种记忆和感动，只有悲伤和低落的我就算感应到幸福也不敢去接近。因为大脑会给我这样的讯息“这感觉是个幻觉，不会是永恒的”。内心深处却说“只要你真心对待那个她，努力的让她感动就会维持这感觉”。

感受到身边的人的积极和开心，就算有机会和一个心意的女生发展，是因为大脑还记得过去的痛和幻觉，还是怕不能达成内心的承诺。

好想一个人去海边，喝着小酒，思考自己到底该如何。我很清楚当面对困境，应该面对，放下，遗忘，从新站起来。

现在的我不知在那个阶段。是在逃避，还是期望一点点的奇迹呢？



＊在听 《背对背拥抱》

P.S： 如果爱一个人能直接了当的说出口，不必顾前顾后。。。
          如果相爱只是两个人而没有第三者，不会三心二意。。。
         将会是很美好的世界。。。

         人生没有如果，当你做不了抉择，可以扔硬币选择，当硬币在空中的那一刻你想的那面就是你心里最渴望的结果。。。

矛盾和不安

最近听了一首歌，“双子情歌”， 很好听的旋律和默契。歌词形容了双子座的自己。“我惊你　我爱你　我憎你　我爱你   避开你　我爱你” ，“情人们全是双子　虔诚时才会伤心”。

一直以来我都知道一旦付出真心就有很高的机会伤心， 可是不付出真心就不会感受爱情的幸福。 我也清楚的体会对人要真心，才会有人对你真心。

有人说过我太犹豫不决，而这次我却那么固执，紧紧握着没希望的过去。 我总是说 “计划永远跟不上变化” 做人应该要会变通，可是自己却逼自己不要前进。是不想再犯同样的错误？还是没勇气面对未来？ 而是对自己或感情失去了信心？ 

时间渐渐的流失，又到了这段让我低落的日子。没办法拿假， 只好带着面具上班。我很清楚如果我能放下过去，我的工作表现应该可以更好的。希望这两个礼拜过去后我能从一个人的思考找到出路。

前几天我听了朋友的故事，男生去找女生想要和解，但女生坚决的拒绝了他，从他的声音我听得出他失落和绝望。让我想起当初的自己。虽然过了九个月了，痛已经麻木了，还是已经不在乎了？我不知道。也可能是觉悟了，没期望就不会有失望吧。

时间没法把以前的Jason 恢复。到底是她改变了我，还是我改变了自己。

最痛苦的结果。

1）两个相爱的人因为不敢一起面对未来的未知数而选择分开。
2）面对自己喜欢的人却不敢表白。
3）明知对方出轨却因为害怕失去而不出声。
4）两个人在一起久了，感情淡了却因为不想改变而继续自欺欺人。

P.S：10个分手的理由， 9个是假的。在爱情里，恋人都是双子。 难道在一起不能说真心话吗？是怕伤害对方？还是要对得起自己的良心？

Meaningful sentences.

I saw this title on the FB and was thinking which 6 sentence is so amazing that can think for a lifetime.

Indeed after I read the whole post. I have to agree with it. Although to achieve all this is never possible. We are human with emotion and tends to be forgetful. Give it some time to fully understand it.


6句话，看了6分钟，想了一辈子。感悟至深。

第一句：
解释永远都是多余，理解你的人不需要，不理解你的人没必要。

第二句：
通常愿意留下来跟你争吵的人，才是真正爱你的人。

第三句：
付出真心，才会得到真心，却也可能伤得最彻底。保持距离，才能保护自己，却也注定永远寂寞。

第四句：
没有一百分的另一半，只有五十分的两个人，凑成一百分的两口子。

第五句：
冷漠，有时候并不是无情，只是一种避免被伤害的工具。

第六句：
路是自己走的•﹏•小心点、别摔了。

媳妇是天赐的•﹏•爱着点、别丢了。

朋友是相互的•﹏•帮着点、看对了。

幸福是感知的•﹏•看开点、放下心。

烦恼是自找的•﹏•健忘点、闹缠了。

心态是练就的•﹏•平和点、有爱心。

友情是培养的•﹏•纯洁点、单纯了。

成功是付出的……努力点、吃苦了。

失败是难免的……宽心点、死心了。
如果有一天我喝醉了，失魂落魄的走在街头。会歇思底里喊出谁的名字。会拿出手机给谁打电话。谁会着急的骂我　你这个笨蛋，你在哪？站在那别动，我马上来！　　　　　　　　　
　　　
▲如果真的有那么一个人，我想，我这辈子就知足了。　　　　　
　　　　　
▲有多少人，明明分手了，却还爱着。　　　　　　　　　
▲有多少人，明明还爱着，却说放手 了。　　　　　　　　　　
　　　
▲有多少人，明明难过，却还微笑着说我很好。

▲人生中有太多太多的无奈，我就是这么一个人：谁对我好我就对谁好。

有一句话我始终相信：只有在自己落难的时候才会看清什么是真正的朋友。

Severe lower back pain.

After a sneeze the sudden severe pain hit my lower back, this pain was so unbearable and I collapse on my knees. Lying motionless for 15min I slowly recover and make my way back to my bed. Suddenly fear struck me and thoughts of u appear in my mind. I wanted you to be by my side but we are nothing. I am really worried about my health and hope my pain will subside soon. 

As the pain get lesser I start to think I am not suitable to take care of u..... U deserve someone better....

分離與重逢

最重要是兩個人真心
就算再過十年 他們都有可能重逢
如果沒有分開過
又怎麼知道珍惜呢
分開以後又可以在一起
我覺得很有意思
人生能有多少個十年。

Gemini

Someone told me that Geminis are indecisive and fall in love easily. Recently I also understand that no matter how moody I get, is not just about me. People who cared around me also will be affected. Is it so hard to find a good partner to build a relationship?

I never believe in destiny or fate, is our freedom to choose what we want. Recently I met a cute girl and had a chat with her over lunch. All seems well but I realize is easy to start a relationship but now my brain will hold me back knowing to attempt anything. 

I missed her smile, miss the times we spend together at the beach, the supermarket  shopping, watching tv.... Miss her saying she need attention and crying over the touching scene on tv drama. I miss the seats we took for movies and what spicy food u loved......
Love is never about how good looking your partner is, the inner beauty is most important, cause it will last and accompany u all the way. She has everything I feel is her good qualities,yet I can never qualifies as her bf......

Spending time together will eventually strengthen the bond, but I always have this issue of staying in the friend zone or move forward. I still remember we once said if anything happen in a bad way we won't be friends again. I am not in position to love anyone currently. 

Sometimes I just want a peaceful life,a girl who I can trust, love and spend time with. Is my ego that want to be more successful, therefore causing my own misery.

我總是想太多， but this time I really have to hope of getting back together with you..... I feel I have admire another person. She has qualities I like as we'll. although us till hold the most important position in my heart but gradually without any effort to stay together, eventually someone will take that position. Loving someone who I can't be with is never easy. Yet I can do nothing abt it now. Maybe I need some time alone.

My freedom to choose is to lead my  life with earning for a living and waiting for a wonderful girl to spend time with and not have issue of  being cheater and trust.....

A peace of mind

After a year of struggle and heavy feelings, today I went to the specialist with my Dad. The doctor all seems well and he can be discharged. Still the thoughts of him having to take the medicine for life gave me a sharp pain that instance.

The time frame I gave myself is almost up. Is about time for me to plan more on my 2nd career. Since all is lost, I should not keep holding to the past. Chances will not always be there for me. Enjoying a cup of peppermint tea and brainstorming my path.

Firstly I must lead a healthier life , lesser alcohol and tobacco. More exercise and healthy diet.

Recalling my life, I need to focus more and let her stay at the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart. Maybe when I'm ready for her she would have found another suitable one.

Start to wonder what she like about me before? I don't even know what I love about her. We started as friends who share thoughts, hang out together. Eventually being together I do whatever I can to give her assurance. I liked her angelic smile and character that always care for others before herself. Her simplicity is so amazing, is like her positivity can be transferred into my soul.....

At times when we have discussion her maturity even surprise me more. All this are history and can never return to me.

泪

能哭出来其实是幸福的。

不知不觉发现，没吃晚餐喝酒，听着悲伤的歌，留了一滴眼泪。

是因为自己的决定，还是不舒服的感觉。。。

照顾

会照顾别人不代表不需要别人照顾。

懂得爱惜别人也不代表不需要被别人爱。

可能别人真的比较了解我的现况。

不该被绑住，很可惜，很遗憾却不该把自己关起来。。。

我的自私想去爱你，照成你的压力，也影响我身边关心我的人。

如果没有你，世界的确没意义。但如果我不放手，只会更难过。

Important notes

Today someone ask me this. So u think u love her? So u think u are lonely? Or u think you cannot find someone who will love u the way she did?

Interesting... Making me go deep in my thoughts...

"Always remember, to a girl, it is not about what you do, it's about why u do and how it will impact the future."

Starting to realize is my ego and my own views. I neglected her feelings and thoughts. Ibeen thinking how or what I do can be better for her, but is not she wanted. What I do can never assure her, or mean anything to her. 9 months, all seems lost..... I always tell others is never the case u r not good enough for others. Now I start to feel so. I AM not good enough for her. Even after times Hassan's, I still have not qualify  myself.

Feel like going somewhere alone to get a piece of calmness. 

Am I worrying about her because of my selfish ego? Or do I really loved her till I have never expect myself in doing....

What should I do ? Can't help to feel I am really not doing well in my life. Regardless family, friends, love or even career....

Is freedom still what I want?